Grace Stories
  • New Heart, New Desires
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  • New Heart, New Desires
  •        
  • New Heart, New Desires
  •        
  • New Heart, New Desires
  •        
New Heart, New Desires

I was raised in a wonderful Christian Home with a loving family and amazing parents. I was raised well and always knew the difference between right and wrong, but I found myself constantly faking my spiritual maturity to impress those around me, and to gain favor in the eyes of those whom I respected. These issues grew as I got older, and I found myself believing the lies I was telling myself, the things actually hindering me from truly opening myself up to the Lord. “I’m not that bad”, “I’m still a Christian, because everyone sins.” “How am I any different?” I had said the words, I had asked God into my heart. I had done the deeds, I had gone to church and prayed when I felt like I needed to. But my pride to do what I wanted to do was too strong, and I found myself in a battle of addictions of many kinds, leaving me in a conscience-numbing spiritual ignorance.

I reached a point in my life where my quest for happiness and joy reached a haltering stop when the reality of my situation was thrown into my face, and my constant justification no longer held its same hold on my conscience. In my time of despair, I reached out to my father and he reminded me of the truths he had taught me as a boy about how I am never alone, and with sin comes consequence so that we may not be farther away from God, but closer. And with nothing left standing in my way, my eyes began to open and all of the truths I had known my entire life actually came into view as I started to see the life I was living through a different lens. I remembered that God wished to have a true relationship with me as my father, and me His son. I remembered that God loved me so much that he sent His only Son to die for me so that I may take part in the Grace he was offering freely to me. I reached a point where I felt an overwhelming conviction of the sin in my life and self-guilt and hatred of the decisions I had made and the lifestyle I was living.

My father reminded me that there was only one place left to look for my solution. The one place and the one person my parents had always tried to point me and my siblings to, and the person that my pride and strong will was stopping me from running to: Jesus. God spoke to me through my parents, friends, and family and being merciful as He is, led me to repent and ask for him to take control of my life and deliver me from my sin and misery. He alone led me to accept and realize that because of Jesus living the perfect life and dying in my place, for my sin, I was no longer accountable for what I had done. Jesus was the Captain of my ship now, forgetting where I had gone and what I had done, but focused on where my ship was going with him steering the wheel. God was the only reason I never sunk, and Jesus was the only reason I was still afloat. He took me from the place that I was in and transformed my life into something He could be proud of. I finally felt the joy that He was waiting for me to experience, and the love for me that I had never truly been able to experience before.

Now with a new heart, God has gifted me with a huge change of desires and behaviors. I desire this Deliverer and this Savior to be the leader of my life, and I desire to continuously give my life for Him to have and to hold and to use to glorify Him. His heart has no room for self vanity and constant numbness. And for all of the times I chose to ignore him and spit on his doorstep, He was still waiting with open arms to receive my heart and my life, and He still is. My journey has not ended and I know it never will, but God has given me a new heart, and I truthfully am proud and excited to have the privilege and honor of calling myself His son. And I want to strive each and every day to become closer to Him and to strive every day to glorify Him in all that I do so that I can make the most of the life he has given me, until the day that this earth and sky will pass away for me and I can spend the forever with Him.

God is continuing to change the things I want and believe as I pursue Him more and more. One of my biggest issues in my past was the people I had surrounded myself with. God has miraculously delivered me from the place that I was in and surrounded me with people who Love and care about me. He has given me a support system and community that continue to speak truth to me and grow with me and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Torin Gleeson